The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Nuclear Reactions
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To understand Kim Jong-il, you have to understand geography. North Korea is sandwiched between China and South Korea, 2 of the world's biggest economic success stories, 2 countries with money, electricity, food. For Kim it's like there's a wild party in the apartment below him and a bigger party in the place above, and he's not invited to either just because he's insane, how's that gonna make him feel? A little mad, a little sad, a little...nuclear----Aasif Mandvi

Socialism Studies

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Socialism Studies
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Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Rally to Restore Sanity

In the same way that anyone learning German becomes a Nazi or anyone learning French becomes an asshole, learning Chinese has only 1 outcome: Communism!----Aasif Mandvi

It is a common misconception that bears do not like Stephen Colbert.

http://artjumble.blogspot.com/2010/11/bears.html

Reza Aslan on the Colbert Report

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Reza Aslan
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes 2010 Election March to Keep Fear Alive

Reza Aslan: This is our new weapon. In all the secret Muslim gatherings that we have where we discuss how to bring down democracy, we've decided that it's going to be through art.

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Reza Aslan: These guys (the terrorists) are puritans, and puritans are much more concerned with purifying their own religious communities, than they are with everyone else, they hate you, they just hate me more.

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Reza Aslan: This actually is also true about all the anti-Muslim bigots that have taken the center stage in the United States. They love people like Osama Bin Laden because they can just point to him and say "Crazy guy represents Islam".

Stephen Colbert: Crazy guy is Muslim, therefore Muslim guy is crazy.

What is it like to stare into the heart of darkness?---Jon Stewart

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Exclusive - Bethany McLean & Joe Nocera Extended Interview
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Rally to Restore Sanity

Highlights of the exclusive interview with Bethany McLean & Joe Nocera, authors of 'All the Devils are here' :

Jon Stewart: Credit Default Swaps allow people to make bets on loans that have nothing to do with them. And my premise to you guys is that this was not a failure of people failing to understand the financial institutions, this was a failure of people  not understanding gambling. That the reason we fail is because the financial industry (are) bad gamblers.

Joe Nocera: Most of them are, as it turns out, Merril Lynch was a bad gambler, UBS was a bad gambler, there was only one good gambler in the whole deal, and that was Goldman Sachs, which figured out they were on the wrong side of the bet, and got on the right side of the bet in time. Of course, they did it by screwing all their own clients, but that's a whole other story.

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Jon Stewart: No bookie in the world would lay off all his bets one side without spreading a little bit of the risk, or lays out so much money that if the call comes, he can't pay it.

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Jon Stewart: A new theory on the Financial Crisis: It occurred because of an idiot shortage. If I'm the Fed, I just print more idiots.

So in today's parlance, gambling is actually innovation, and clients are actually idiots.

Father Guido Sarducci at the Rally to Restore Sanity And/Or Fear

'You know what's interesting, both these religions, Islam and Judaism, both, they don't eat the same meat, but they don't get along! What's with that? Don't you think somebody could say to them "They don't eat pork, you don't eat pork, let's build on that, we could build on that!" '---Vatican spokesman Father Guido Sarducci giving the opening benediction

McCain backtracks on his support for repealing DADT

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
It Gets Worse PSA
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Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Rally to Restore Sanity

It's the maverick way. You spend a year studying whether soldiers deserve full civil rights and half an hour deciding who will be your presidential running mate----Jon Stewart blasting John McCain for backtracking on repealing DADT

Colbert interviewing Al Sharpton

This is a fantastic interview whereby Reverend Al Sharpton spoke eloquently about the need for education reform. He also totally owned Stephen throughout the interview. :)

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Al Sharpton
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes 2010 Election March to Keep Fear Alive

Stephen: Do you hang out with Newt Gingrich?

Al Sharpton: No, I've toured with Newt Gingrich.

Stephen: How's the tour buses? Is it crazy?

Al Sharpton: I'm on your show but I don't hang out with you.

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Al Sharpton: I myself know, I dropped out of college, and I know myself everyday the regrets I have in not pursuing my degree going further.

Stephen: But you've done very well, sir.

Al Sharpton: But how many people that came out of the same neighbourhood I did that had the same background I did was able to make it out without an education? Most of my friends ended up in jail or dead. I want to make sure that doesn't happen to the next generation.

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Stephen: Right now we've got a system, it may be broken, but at least we know how it works.

Al Sharpton: If you keep playing with the same broken stuff, it will only be more broken.

Hello!

I'm a huge fan of the Daily Show and the Colbert Report so I've decided to set up a blog that tracks all their awesome quotes! There are many epic quotes from the Bush years and so on that deserve to be revisited too!

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
John Oliver - Nobel Gore
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Rally to Restore Sanity

To start off here's a classic Daily Show moment celebrating Al Gore's winning of the Nobel Prize.

" It's the left-wing ideologues that politicize communicable diseases in third-world hell holes"--John Oliver

' As Mandela himself says, " If it ain't delicious, then throw me back in jail "--John Oliver describing Nelson Mandela's fictional opening of a chain of national restaurants.

Both quotes are so wrong, but so funny :p !